Mr Viral
People got super real about the ins and outs of what it’s like to have a cheating partner. Some either moved past it and forgave them, growing together and becoming a healthier couple, while other relationships dissolved because it was just too much.
So, here’s what happened after someone cheated on their loving partner:
Note: This post contains subjects of domestic abuse, drug abuse, and suicide. Please proceed with caution.
1.
“I forgave a cheating partner once because I thought we could work through it. In the end, it didn’t turn out great. The trust was never fully there again, and it always felt like there was this shadow hanging over us. We tried, but eventually, the relationship just fizzled out. Forgiving was one thing, but forgetting was impossible. It taught me a lot about what I need in future relationships, though.”
—u/SaraMoonrise
2.
“Every situation is so unique. There are scenarios where I could forgive cheating (perhaps a passion-fueled ‘mistake’ early in the relationship). My ex cheated on me with four different men, sleeping with one of them multiple times, and did all of this over the course of two years. I probably could have moved past it had she told me, but instead, she lied to my face, even when directly confronted. I literally had to print phone receipts and threaten to call the parties involved. A lot of trickle truth ensued.”
“What’s worse is that the lying resulted in me socializing with these ‘friends’ of hers, breaking bread, and buying drinks for three different guys who had sex or made out with my girlfriend. Sometimes, there would be all of them in one room, smiling in my face. I wonder if they even know about each other.
Once everything came to light, the shame and regret hit her like a truck, and she became a complete wreck. We both went to therapy, but it wasn’t enough.
No matter how ‘remorseful’ or ‘changed’ she was, the resentment and lack of respect I felt was too much to have a healthy relationship. The best I could do was emotionally blunt myself and put on a front. That’s no way to live.”
—u/SouvlakiPlaystation
3.
“I found I could forgive the actual sex part of the cheating but couldn’t really get over the lies, breach of trust, and lack of regard for my health. So, eventually, I ended the relationship. We’re actually still on somewhat friendly terms (overlapping friend circles, so we’ll chat if we end up at the same gathering). And we’re both happily married to other people — hopefully they learned from the experience. ”
—u/InannasPocket
4.
“I forgave him and stuck around. One year after he cheated, I came home unannounced on a lunch break. I heard noises like a crow cawing in distress when I got to the door. Turns out he had one of his new coworkers dripping mascara-drenched tears down his balls under the brand-new kitchen counter I had paid for. Yep — not that great.”
—u/karlmarkz321
“I’ll never understand anyone who brings their cheating partner to their spouse’s house. Do you WANT to get caught?!”
—u/reediculus1
“For some people, the risk of getting caught or that extra level of disrespect to their partner ‘makes it hotter.’ Go figure…”
—u/wynnduffyisking
5.
“He had gotten drunk and cheated on me and told me the very next morning. He was very remorseful and apologetic, and at the time, I also struggled with doing dumb stuff when I had been drinking. So, I forgave him. Then he cheated on me again with the same woman because I ‘wasn’t that upset’ the first time. So, I hit on his mom.”
—u/PrairieBunny91
6.
“I forgave him but our relationship started to slowly dissolve because I no longer trusted him. He started to resent me, and we slowly crashed and burned, and it ended two years later. We were together 12 years in total. Surprise surprise, he never really stopped cheating — he just got better at hiding it.”
“In retrospect, there are a few things I wish I had done differently after I found out:
1. I told him to pack a bag and go to his parents for a few days while I sorted out my feelings (he was living in my condo). I was not ‘firm’ on this, and he stayed at my place anyway. I think the space would’ve given me greater clarity.
2. The sex really sucked after. I never felt comfortable again and faked orgasms for two years just to get him off of me. I wish I had never faked it and was just honest that it wasn’t working.
And 3. He made me promise to not tell anyone. I did as he requested. When it finally ended, he spun the story and said that he was the victim, and I was ‘crazy.’ That really hurt — I lost a whole friend group. If I had been honest, then they would’ve known he was the one who ruined the relationship years prior.
Forgiving a cheating partner? 0/5 stars would not recommend it to a friend.”
—u/this_girl_that_time
7.
“We’ve been together for over 30 years, and the cheating happened 25 years ago. There were some really frank discussions, and some level of distrust got us through the initial part. We were young and outgrew it. We’re doing great these days, but I still wouldn’t recommend it.”
—u/bobdob123usa
“Same for me and my husband. The one good thing is that it forced us to sit down and talk about problems in our lives and helped us make the changes we needed. I would still recommend just skipping straight to the honest conversation and self-improvement step.”
—u/eden_sc2
8.
“I forgave two different partners. The first partner was abusive, controlling, and would threaten to attempt suicide. So, it was out of a mixture of fear of him and for him. His behaviors escalated and increased in frequency, including cheating. Eventually, he left me for a girl he claimed was just a friend, but apparently, she was just as controlling as he was. He tried running back to me (according to a mutual friend), but I’d moved on and blocked his number and social media.”
“I forgave the second partner because I didn’t have concrete proof. He lied and said he just talked to a friend about how he’d had feelings for her when he was single, but nothing more (a different friend apparently threatened to out him if he didn’t tell).
It felt like he was holding back, and I could tell there was something worse he wasn’t saying (especially when he deleted his Facebook profile). He apparently deleted it so he wouldn’t ‘screw up again,’ which felt extreme when I was just trying to figure out why he was feeling so guilty and like such a bad person.
He was actually messaging a bunch of girls trying to dirty-talk and shoot his shot, as I later found out. A bunch of our friends knew but didn’t tell me because they thought I was great for him and made his life so much better.
Apparently, it didn’t matter that he was bad for me and made my life worse. Also, not having Facebook didn’t keep him from cheating while traveling for work. I should have known to just end things when all the shady stuff was going on, not just because I didn’t have proof.”
—u/Imakefishdrown
9.
“I had a long-term serious girlfriend who lived four hours away. I did my best to be there as many weekends as I could. She went out with her friends one night, got drunk, and hooked up with a former crush. She told me immediately. I drove down and we talked all night about it. I decided (and promised myself) I could move past it, and never bring it up in arguments or use it against her. I stuck to my promise. We were a lot stronger for the rest of the time we were a couple, maybe three years. I had a dying parent and couldn’t move to where she was. My parent died three months after we broke up. I’m with the greatest partner I could ever imagine now, so I’m where I need to be.”
—u/stratdog25
10.
“After a two-year affair, I ultimately forgave him. We did a ton of work for years with individual counselors and couples counselors. I rebuffed any notion of the idea of ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’ because my husband had done the work to change. Fast forward eight years, I uncovered another 18-month affair. So, I guess the ‘work’ he did didn’t stick. So…once a cheater, always a cheater.”
—u/applestoapples2015
11.
“I live in constant resentment. He didn’t physically cheat, but emotionally cheated. He was still hung up on an unrequited love. I struggle so much with wishing I could go back in time and end it, but I stupidly got married because I thought I forgave him. I constantly wish I’d win the lottery just to get a divorce. Children are now involved, and I’m scraping by in hopes that one day I can escape this. He was everything I thought I wanted, but I’ve slowly realized he’s not what I need.”
—u/anosabo_mujer
12.
“She did it again. We had a nice few months after the issue where things were ‘normal’ and I had a loving and attentive girlfriend again. But, in hindsight, I was just her ‘purse holder’ until the next exciting guy came along. She wound up cheating again after eight months and told me she didn’t want to be with me anymore. She broke me again, but I recovered, though I spent too much time moping over her. But hey, we were all young, dumb, and in love once, right?”
“Now? I have no idea what happened to her. We lost contact 14 years ago (not that we had much contact after the second instance). I have no idea if she’s alive or what she might be up to (though, the last I heard, she was seeing someone who is involved with organized crime).
A friend of mine (the same friend who actually introduced us) wound up buying the house across the street from her childhood home. I didn’t realize it at first — I thought my friend’s neighborhood looked familiar, but didn’t think anything of it until I visited my friend.
I saw my ex’s mom and dad in the driveway across the street. I’ll never forget that awkward moment, the eye contact with her folks. The strange wave hello…and how her mom came up to me to say hello.
Her mom was still lovely, and I was glad to introduce her to my wife (fiancé at the time) before we headed inside my friend’s place. Life is weird, and fate has a sense of humor.”
—u/Able1-6R
13.
“She cheated on me when we dated. Then, I caught her with my next-door neighbor after 10 years of marriage and two kids. I stayed again. Then, I recently found out about some suspicious activities she did on a girl’s trip a few years ago. It happened a long time ago, but it’s new to me and a reminder of how loving and living with someone who isn’t capable of respecting you is just a horrible way to live your life.”
—u/OkDelay2395
14.
“It took a lot of reflection and a lot of couples therapy. I did not want my marriage to end, and he was truly sorry. I now put it down to a major mid-life crisis and a couple of very personal details I won’t discuss here, but he eventually smartened up and came back to our marriage. He had actually moved in with the other woman, 1,500 miles away.”
“We worked out all the issues through counseling, he went to therapy, and in time, we moved on. For the first year he was back we lived as roommates with separate bedrooms until we were both ready to really commit to our marriage. I hold no grudges and never fling it in his face or dig through his phone. If you forgive a person, you don’t hold a grudge.
It takes a lot of work and a deep commitment to each other to do that. It doesn’t just get better all on its own.”
—u/Jennyelf
15.
“Did I hear rumors on top of rumors? Yes. I made a decision based on our children and knowing my partner. I chose to keep it up, and eventually, we talked it out. Was there mistrust? Absolutely. Was I an angel about the talk? Nope. I got jealous and played around as I assumed she had. At the time, she was running about and staying over in places that weren’t our home. I had to get my boys to school, feed them, and get them to bed while she was out on a Tuesday. Before she passed away, we had it out. There will always be questions, but for myself, I am simply here now.”
—u/Mike7676
16.
“We split up, but I eventually forgave her for what she did. I wish her the best, but getting divorced and going without contact was the right thing to do. I don’t think I could’ve ever gotten over the betrayal of trust.”
—u/themorganator4
17.
“You never look at them or your relationship the same way again. You’ll never get back what you had. We broke up because I caught him being unfaithful multiple times. People are capable of change, but it would take a lot of hard work and therapy, and I’m still not convinced you ever get the magic back.”
—u/katniss92
18.
“She did it again and left me for him when I found out two days after our anniversary. Then, she spent the next few months intentionally pushing my buttons to remind me of what she did and how our relationship ended, which did a number on my psyche. Then she got married to him, and, as it turns out, he was a controlling asshole. So when she finally apologized to me for what happened and offered some closure, she had to sneak around him to do it because ‘he doesn’t want me talking to you or any of your friends.'”
—u/TheHat2
19.
And, “When I was 16, I was trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship with a man 10 years older than me. My 16-year-old brain thought we’d date for a week and break up, like all my previous teenage ‘relationships.’ But his adult brain thought we were going to get married and have kids. When I attempted to break up with him, he threatened to attempt suicide. I was young and ‘naive’ and fell for it. I stayed with him for over a year and felt increasingly trapped. I eventually cheated on him with a boy my own age, whom I really liked. Then I had this great idea to tell my boyfriend I had cheated, then he’d leave me and I’d be free.”
“So I told him. And he said, without batting an eye, ‘I forgive you, and I am going to stay with you, but now you have to work extra hard to make up for it and prove your love for me.’
I lasted a few more months before I finally decided I didn’t care what he did, and I was leaving him. He pushed me out of a moving car when I finally did it.”
—u/AriasK
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
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