Mr Viral
For over 20 years, Nigeria has perpetrated this practice, of spending fortunes trying to look and sound good even as things festered. Neither government effort nor will has caught up with the desire of Nigerians for a nation that works, or works for everyone.
In 1983, Wole Soyinka, the lion and the jewel—not the tiger that surrendered its tigritude—penned two songsthat became instantly famous. They appeared in arecording by Tunji Oyelana called “Unlimited Liability.”
In “Country Hide & Country Seek,” he sang, among others, of the wiles of Country Hide:
“Dem wan rob church, so dey call prayer meeting
When all eyes close, dem do their thing…
Dem say no licence, but who dey smuggle…
Na who loot the nation, na who dey shed crocodile tears…”
Nigeria then went through a decade and a half of military rule, following which, in 2004, President Olusegun Obasanjo launched the Nigeria Image Project, alias ‘Heart of Africa.’
The objective was to market Nigeria as a as a stable, vibrant, fast-economy, with creative, resourceful professionals at home and in the Diaspora; a nation of talented youths breaking new grounds in creative pursuits and dominating the entertainment industry in Africa and beyond.
It was laughed out of court by Nigerians who were angry that a government that should be working harder on Nigeria’s problems was merely trying to whitewash her image.
Still, the Nigeria Image Project was followed in 2009 by Rebrand Nigeria, President Umaru Yar’Adua’s nod to the paint job that Obasanjo had begun.
“Nigeria has launched a new branding campaign aimed at changing Nigeria’s image as a nation of fraudsters and cheats, in perpetual crisis and where nothing works,” the Voice of America reported gleefully of the $1m “Nigeria: Good People, Great Nation” campaign.
“Information Minister Dora Akunyili says the campaign is an attempt to correct what she describes as a “faulty perception and assault” on the reputation of the ordinary Nigerian. She says the country’s image problem means Nigerians are selectively targeted around the world.”
For over 20 years, Nigeria has perpetrated this practice, of spending fortunes trying to look and sound good even as things festered. Neither government effort nor will has caught up with the desire of Nigerians for a nation that works, or works for everyone.
In 2006, at a National Conference on the Nigeria Brand and Economic Development in Abuja called ‘Mind The Gap,’ Mr. Obasanjo characterized a “positive image” as being critical to an enabling environment necessary for businesses to flourish locally and internationally.
What was in the way? ‘Rebrand Nigeria’ Minister Akunyili, establishing a false divide, took a whip to Nigerians in the Diaspora. As if Nigerians at home did not criticize the way things were at home, she screamed that they were “the worst when it comes to bad-mouthing Nigeria.”
“When you hear Nigerians overseas talk about Nigeria, you will weep for this country,” she said.
I described how tasteless those comments were, citing Greek mythology of Heracles’ cleaning of the Augean stables.
“I completely agree that we rebrand,” I argued. “But this can only be meaningful as part of a broader assault on the things that brought us our bad image in the first place. Amongst them are the arrogance and perfidy of government officials who convert official funds into their own pockets; fail to implement projects and policies, rig elections, and lie at every opportunity.”
That story, obviously, was Original Soyinka’s Country Hide: leadership of duplicity and complicity.
“Chairman, palava dey o…
For dis general meeting of all shareholders
When you dey hobnob with kings and presidents,
Your company directors don “labeton”
You say you fit be chairman
You nor fit to be chairman
You say you go try for me o
You swear you go try for me ooo…
…Chairman, dis naira be like you
Both of you dey waka so so tay
When you dey toast kings and presidents,
Common garri don become luxury…
…dis naira still be naira so
The thing one naira fit buy yesterday
Twenty naira nor fit buy am today…”
Last week, Senate President Godswill Akpabio,appearing to be wearing the cap of a patriot that someone had mislaid in the National Assembly, returned to that scene of Rebrand Nigeria.
Speaking on a motion concerning Nigerians fleeing the country, the man who used to fly the Akwa Ibom jet he bought for his convenience to the US as if it were Enugu urged Nigerians to “prioritise loving the country above migrating abroad to seek greener pastures.”
He used the National Assembly as an example, stressing that its members remained in the country because they loved Nigeria above all else.
“I believe people should place love for their country above financial gains,” he said, commending members of the world’s most-reviled legislature. “And that is why many of us choose to remain here.”
Remember: Never ask for the microphone when you have been drinking. Unfortunately, that is when many rise their feet and hurt themselves.
The trick is to read a written script and to it. Mr. Akpabio did not. He wound up bayoneting the injured and injuring the bereaved.
There are some decent people in the federal legislature, and I give them respect. But were ours a decent country, and Mr. Akpabio knows that it is not, most of them—especially former governors and local government chairmen—would be in jail awaiting the hangman.
There is no federal legislator in Abuja—no, not one—who went there out of sainthood or patriotism, just as Nigerians rarely leave because they are unpatriotic. Many travel out every year in painful circumstancesand seeking opportunities.
And they leave behind people they love. Aged parents. Spouses. Children. Friends. They may travel for jobs and opportunities, but rarely for “financial gain” in the sense that the federal legislature is often populated by the worst of us who rig every process to acquire a spot for power and money.
Keep in mind: Some of those split-up families are never the same again. Some of those who travel never return.
Some of those who travel are the reason that their families have a roof over their heads, some food on their plates and some education for the next generation, and a reason for hope.
This is as many politicians are looting enough for the next century for their families, concubines, the education of their children anywhere but Nigeria, and the support of international money-launderers.
“Mr. Akpabio assured that the National Assembly would make legislation that would improve the lives of teachers, lecturers, and students,” one report said. “Sowe will do our best to improve the lives of teachers, professors and university managers so that it will encourage people to save up and impact knowledge on our future generations.”
Remember that Akpabio was talking about Country Hide. Recognize, then, that he was lying through his teeth. Nigerian governance, as currently constituted, is not about serving the people, and Akpabio—like every top hypocrite in the Senate presidency before him—has no interest in uplifting Nigerians.
And so, I challenge him: If he really wants to help,there are two simple things he can do. The first is to lead by example and return to the people what he should never have taken in the past 25 years.
The second is to deliver a credible electoral system that would reflect the wishes of the Nigerian electorate at every election.
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