Sex and On-Screen Chemistry: The Hollywood vs Nollywood divide

07 April 2025 at 15:22Sex and On-Screen Chemistry: The Hollywood vs Nollywood divide [Pulse Nigeria]Grab your kitchen stool, we need to talk. What are these nun-like Nollywood sex scenes? I mean, we’ve all sat through that one scene where the man is shirtless and panting like he just ran the Lagos marathon, while the woman lies there like she’s about to fall asleep or worse, starts fake-moanzing like someone’s auntie trying to read Fifty Shades out loud in church. 

And don’t get me started on the ridiculous angles. We either get extreme close-ups of sweaty faces, long shots that show absolutely nothing, or a shaky camera that looks like the DP had too much to drink before the shoot.

And let’s address the elephant in the room: THE CLOTHES. My God. Why are people making out passionately, yet somehow their jeans, belts, and even SHOES remain firmly on? It’s like watching a romance animation glitch. 

You can’t convince us they just had wild sex if the guy’s trousers are still zipped up and the woman’s bra is still clasped like a bank vault. This is not intimacy, it’s Immaculate Conception: Nollywood Edition.

Also, what’s with the boom mic visible in the mirror or the awkward pause where nobody knows whether to kiss again or roll off the bed? It’s like nobody rehearsed, and they’re just winging it while praying the audience is too distracted to notice.

Why are Nollywood sex scenes giving PG-13 in an R-rated world?If you’ve ever sat through one, you know it’s not exactly giving passion. It’s giving two mannequins attempting to cuddle under fluorescent lighting. And that’s just me being polite.

I watched a recent Nollywood release on Prime Video, and there was this one scene where a promiscuous man was supposed to be into BDSM. Naturally, you’d expect a bit of… You know… heat. 

Instead, we got what looked like two colleagues awkwardly trying to act out a sex scene after Bible study. There was a supposed blowjob; while the man’s pants were still on. Still. On. I mean, what exactly are we blowing, sir? Your confidence?

Meanwhile, Hollywood is over there filming sex scenes like it’s an Olympic sport. You may not see actual nudity in every film (The Perfect Find with Gabrielle Union, Fleabag, etc.), but the chemistry? Whew. It jumps out of the screen and grabs you by the collar. You feel every glance, every breath, every almost-touch. 

Fleabag didn’t need full-on nudity to make your TV sweat: just sharp writing, real tension, and actors who didn’t look like they were worried about their pastor watching. 

Then you have films like 365 Days, Normal People, Bridgerton, Fifty Shades of Grey (that elevator scene? Lord have mercy), and even Euphoria; all of them handle sexual intimacy with intensity, beauty, and yes, believability. You might not like all the characters, but you believe they’re into each other. 

Nollywood, on the other hand, will have two people who just met in one scene suddenly groaning like they’re in labour, but only from the waist up. 

Part of the problem? Many Nollywood sex scenes are clearly rushed, poorly lit, and they feel like everyone on set was hoping Jesus wouldn’t walk in. 

The actors? Half the time, they look bored. The choreography? Nonexistent. There’s zero intimacy coordination. It’s just vibes, sweat, and a guy still wearing socks.

Now, how can Nollywood fix this?First off, hire intimacy coordinators. Yes, it’s a real thing. These professionals make sure actors feel safe, choreograph scenes properly, and help them look believable. 

You don’t need to show nipples to make a scene sexy; you need chemistry, lighting, music, and a director who isn’t embarrassed to say “Cut! Let’s do that thrust again.”

Secondly, let’s invest in better scripts. Don’t just throw in sex scenes for vibes. Build up the tension. Give us characters who actually want each other, not two people who met three scenes ago and suddenly start grunting like they’re in a gym. 

And please, for the love of ORGASMS, tell the actors to stop looking like they’re doing house chores. Passion should look passionate, not like someone sweeping their partner with body movements. 

In short, Nollywood: you’ve got the talent, the stories, the visuals, now let’s put some real heat in those sheets. Because if we see one more dry hump with fully dressed actors under harsh overhead lighting, we might just start skipping forward with heavy fingers and hearts.

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